Today I thought I would write about a very tender topic and that is Scott's speech. I'm very sensitive about it. He doesn't really talk. He says Dad, well he yells Dad which is the cutest thing ever. And he says mom. He also says Jaeley who is his friend here where we live but it is said so low that it almost sounds like a groal and he also says juice which really just sounds like he is saying jew, kinda funny. But that is all. He can sign for "more" but that is all. I have gone through many emotions and theories with why he is not talking. Someone even thought that he might be autistic which was very scary for me. Not that it would have changed how I feel about my son but that we would have to change so much of our selves to raise such a perfect yet difficult child. I don't believe that Scott has autism. I am also realizing that there is nothing wrong with his mind to make him not talk. I realize that some of you who read this might think I sound silly or ridiculous or maybe even think that I am being rude. I don't mean to be. I just need to work through some of my thoughts to help calm my fears or worries. There are very few women that are as sensitive as I who have to sit back and watch their children grow up without being able to communicate with them. I live in a great little square of apartments that have so many children that are Scott's age. He has so many friends here that he gets to play with for play dates and groups. I see all these children that are born just a few months or weeks or even days away from Scott's birthday and they are all talking. All able to communicate with their mom's and each other. Scott on the other hand screams. Someone takes his toy he screams and looks to me. I hate the screaming but I am glad that he doesn't hit like so many children learn to do. I get so hard on myself and I'm sad to admit, hard on Scott for not talking. I work with him so much on saying words and making sounds that it is almost comical. For a little while we were seeing a lot of progress when we taught him how to make his animal sounds and he learned how to say Dad and Mom. Then he just stopped trying to repeat us. That was a few months ago. He has a speech therapist who comes to the house and plays with him and tries to get words and sounds out of him but that doesn't work. I haven't seen any change. She tries to leave me with advice and things to work on but there are only so many ways and so many times that you can say we already do that.
I don't like wondering what is wrong with my child. I know he his perfect and beautiful and so smart.
I don't like wondering what is wrong with me. Feeling like he would be so much better off if someone else was his mom. Feeling like I'm failing the one person on this planet that I would do anything to love and protect. I hate wondering if people judge him.
The thing is... There is nothing wrong with Scott. He doesn't talk because he's not ready to. He will when he feels like it. And although someone else might be a better mom then me I can say this with complete certainty, no one and I mean NO ONE can ever love him as much as I love him. So I will keep trying and doing my best by him and someday he'll talk. When he's ready.
Thanks for letting me rant and be sensitive and scatter brained.
3 comments:
Caroline, there are so many resources available to help him "find his voice.". Our little Cade has been in therapy for over two years and will be starting at special preschool program on his third birthday. Talk to your pediatrician and ask them for resources. I'm so sorry about our struggles. I kow how hard it is. I want to punch people when themask em what's wrong with Cade or if he's disabled. It's very emotional. Call if you need to talk. :-)
Dont stress out too much! Our society is so quick to label things so they can feel like they are easier to deal with. The problem is we are individuals, and not one of us look alike, or are alike. We are unique. My boy is 2 1/2 yrs old and has just started his babbling. I only understand half of what he says but when he wanted to talk, then he did. Not when he was "supposed" to. It isn't always a medical problem, a lot of times it is just their developmental pace. Reading was very helpful for us. Love ya
Caroline: As you know, I feel your frustration right there. Our boys are intelligent little guys. They know words, but just like you said, "He isn't ready to talk yet." I wish I could say there is a magic cure for them sprouting words like flowers in spring time. You are doing EVERYTHING a concerned, involved and loving parent should and would do. The best we can do is continue to encourage it. I have gone through each level of emotional turmoil that you speak of. Its frustrating, disappointing, and sometimes annoying. But all we can do is continue to love them, work with them and encourage them. Keep up the great work friend. I'm proud of what you are doing.
P.S. Carter has been doing therapy since August and still doesn't talk. It will come.
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