Parenting Parallels

I just gave Scott a test.

A test to see if he is behind enough to take preschool this year.

I don't think he passed which means he gets passed on to preschool early.

This means three years of preschool.

I'm having a hard time with this.

I don't want my Scotty boy to leave me.

I don't want him to leave me alone.

I know this will be good for him but I don't like the fact that being away from me, being taught by someone other then me, is better for him.

He is my life.

He is my every thought, my every worry, my every happiness.

I'm a bit of a wreck right now once again coming to terms with my perfect boy having the delays that he has.

I feel like as soon as I come to terms with his issues something happens and then I'm not.

Someone says something that they don't realize is rude, but why would they realize it, they don't have a child with delays.

Or a child his age does something and I try it with Scott and he can't do it.

Or a child a bit younger then Scott does something that Scott hasn't done that yet.

Or I try to explain something to Scott that he should already know and he freaks out because it's not what he wants.

This happened the other day.

Scott wanted some orange juice in a sippy cup and we had just bought it.

So I pored it for him and told him to throw away the lid wrapper and then he could have his sippy.

This is not a new thing.

It's been part of his life for quite some time to put his garbage in the trash can.

Well he FREAKED OUT!

He started screaming and fell to the ground in an all out tantrum.

So I put him in the corner.

All he had to do was throw away his garbage.

All I want to do for this child is shower him with gifts and make him so happy.

But I also want him to be kind and responsible and clean and understand that we have to sometimes work for what we want.

This is what I was thinking while he was in the corner.

"Stink, child! 

Just do this one thing and I will give you what you want.

Instead, you make me be the bad guy."

This is when I realized how stupid I am...again.

I freak out every time Scott's issues hit me.

I start praying and asking the Lord why we have to deal with this and emotionally and spiritually I fall to the ground and start kicking my feet and flailing my arms and screaming, 

"NO NO NO NO!  

I don't want to do this, I don't like this. 

You do it! 

Make it go away!"

And all at ones I could hear my Father in Heaven say about me what I wanted to say to Scott.

"All I want to do for this child is shower her with gifts and make her so happy.

But I also want her to be kind and responsible and clean and understand that we have to sometimes work for what we want."

It is so hard being a parent.

It is so hard to want to give your child everything and realize that some of the things they want aren't what is good for them right now.

It's a hard lesson to learn but easier when one realizes that it goes for us as well.

I know that I am a CHILD of God and there are so many more lessons that Scott and I need to learn together to fully understand what we are doing here on this earth.

Dealing with Scott's issues are hard but I need to face them and deal with them and help him deal with them because if I do I will be happy, and I will learn more how to be kind and responsible and clean and understand that we have to sometimes work for what we want.