Changes

To who ever read the very bottom post before, please disregard it.  I feel mortified that it got posted.  I sometimes use my blog as a journal but I don't post the personal things.  In all my writing this morning somehow that got posted.  I will be honest with you all though.  I think for the past few months I've been having a bit of depression.  I know that I have been blessed in so many ways and by so many people.  But sometimes depression comes and there is no explaining it.  I don't like letting people know this side of me.  I'm not perfect and I know everyone knows that but I also don't want everyone to know about ALL of my imperfections.  Mark isn't perfect either and sometimes he drives me nuts.  Although he has things he needs to work on I'm not going to talk about those things.  He is an amazing man and I love him.  We have both started a new life and sometimes that brings out a side in people that we didn't know we had.  I think this has happened to Mark and I both.  I've always had problems with change.  I've also had times of depression in my life.  It takes sometime but eventually, when I'm at my lowest, I come to realize that the best way to make changes in my life is through the atonement.  I eventually come to remember that it isn't just for the sinner but also for the lowly at heart.  I am that person sometimes.  When I wrote what some of you may have read I was at my lowest point.  I was so lowly that I could hardly see that I had a problem.  I was still blaming Mark for my problems.  My problem being an extreme lack of patience, and being quick to temper, and getting easily offended, and I could keep going but I'll stop.  But when I was finally ready to change and I gave all my worries to the savior and the peace comes... there is nothing to describe that.  I gave him all my worries and troubles and he gave me answers that no one else could tell me, or rather no one could tell me that I would listen to.  The answers were there every Sunday and I had them all memorized but they were too simple for my problems.  I needed something more complex.  I needed something that I hadn't learned yet, I was so sure.  But I was surely wrong.  The answers that I really needed were the Sunday school answers of praying, reading my scriptures, going to church... You all know those answers.  They are so easy and simple but we want to believe that they aren't enough... I wanted to believe.  I am so grateful for this.  I am so grateful for the gospel that gives me the answers even after I've been such a witch to my husband.  I love him so much.  I love my Scott Jay and all the smiles he gives and brings.  I am not a confident person, never have been.  But with the Lord, my Savior, I know that I can do all I need to do.  I am so humiliated about my earlier post.  That is a person that I don't want anyone to see.  Writing this I am the person that I don't just want you to see but I am the person that I want to be.